CRUSH IS NOT LOVE

Yeah! It's February. 

A month that's noted in history (beginning from the 15th century) as the month of love, not necessarily for lovers and spouses alone but for fostering love for families, friends, and even yourself. Precisely, 14th February was chosen as the day for the celebration of love.

So, in the spirit of the valentine season, I decided to write on this subject that many still find confusing and have been preyed to as a result of ignorance.

My major motive of writing this is to educate young folks— to be precise— on their emotions (concerning love and crush) and to learn their differences. I'll be teaching this with a biblical story and other references as proof to back up my claims.

Stay with me. You'll enjoy the ride.

There's an interesting story that grabbed my attention. It looked funny to me but looking at it from a different stand point, it contains requisite lessons every young person should learn as reagrds to emotions.

A man named Amnon had feelings — love, as 2 Samuel 13:1 describes— for Tamar; Absalom's sister, that it caused him distress. The thought of this young, fair lady consumed him. In a stance to describe how intense it was, the Bible says, he got thinner and thinner by the day because of her.

That looks rather sweet and genuine, right?

Naturally, you'd judge that Amnon has gone head over heels for Tamar. You'd be like "this kind of love that would give this young man no rest shows the intensity and genuineness of his love", isn't that right?

But stay with me and watch closely. In as much as it looked innocent, something was wrong somewhere.

A quick peek in verse 5 of 2 Samuel 13 reveals a bad advice given to Amnon by his crafty friend, Jonadab. Jonadab adviced Amnon to lay with the "love of his life", Tamar, thereby satisfying his desire for her that kept eating him up through deceit and craftiness.

You could guess what happened.

Amnon bought that idea. He did exactly what his friend adviced which resulted to forcing himself on her against her will. (See 2 Samuel 13:6–14).

Verse 14 says, "However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her."

Hahahaha... This is the so called love!

Please, stay with me. The article just got more interesting.

I'll continue by asking, with what Amnon did, can you still judge that he loved her?

Yes? No?

Okay, let's answer that scripturally.

1 Corinthians 13:1–13 talks of true love. It unfolds the characteristics and features of love. In other words, what you should seek or see to identify authentic love. You can read that scripture in your own leisure time. But to answer my aforementioned question, we'll focus on verse 5 of 1 Corinthians 13.

"Love does not behave rudely, does not  seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil."

Smiles...

You read that yourself. Now, compare Amnon's actions with this particular verse. He displayed the very same thing that above scripture says love doesn't do. He totally defiled that attribute of love.

He was rude to Tamar. He was selfish for sleeping with her in the first place and forcing her against her will too. He was provoked before and after he laid with her and devised the evil plan on how to make the evil counsel of his friend work.

Now, tell me, is that love, irrespective of the phrase in 2 Samuel, "...and Amnon the son of David loved her"? No, it's not. 

He was only infatuated with her. Probably because of her beauty, physical endowment (curves and all) or a particular feature he admired about her.

This brings me to the next component of today's article; CRUSH. 

Crush can be defined as an attraction towards someone. It is infatuation (unreasonable love or attachment) for a short period of time.

I wouldn't want to end this article without telling you the difference between LOVE AND CRUSH.

LOVE is an intense feeling of care and affection towards another. It grows, therefore, you can never be disinterested with the person you love.

CRUSH, however, is short lived. It wears out with time. You may get bored after spending time with that same person.

Immediately after Amnon successfully raped Tamar, bible says, he hated her more than the love he had for her. That's how crush works.

LOVE is unconditional. It loves irrespective of how faulty or imperfect the object of your love is. CRUSH doesn't look pass flaws or weaknesses of the 'crushee'. It can get easily irritated.

LOVE is a virtue. It is a hub that connects other beautiful emotions like compassion, kindness, care, etc. Love is more interested in the actual person. Outward appearance has nothing to do with it.

CRUSH, on the other hand, is a vice as it's like an innocent form of lust. Remember, it is an attraction based on the physical appearance of a person. Or maybe the way the person talks, walks, smiles or a particular behavior which is admired.

One funny thing about crush is, it survives when there's a distance between the 'crusher' and the 'crushee'. Smiles...

Once you get close to that person you have a crush on, you'd notice you'll start loosing interest in that person. It's funny how it works.

I've had my fair share of the pranks adolescence and teenagehood played on me as regards to infatuation and crushes even till now. Every young folk experiences this too. I've listened to the experiences of a few young ladies who goes through this phase. So, my little research and these experiences summed up my knowledge about this subject.

Please, understand that these feelings aren't weird and it doesn't mean you're 'carnal' or dirty minded, as a friend of mine once thought, but it is completely natural. It is one of the signs of the puberty stage of a person. There are actually hormones that are responsible for this– the dopamine and the norepinephrine

These two neurotransmitters works hand in glove. They are both released from the brain. The dopamine is the brain's pleasure and reward system. While the norepinephrine makes you highly excitable whenever the dopamine is at work. 

So, it's normal for those attraction you have towards the opposite sex. 

However, the problem is not the release of these emotions but the ability to control it. The mistake countless young folks make is letting these feelings make decisions for them. (You can read an article I wrote on this called, Right Decision Over Emotions HERE for proper understanding).

That's the reason the practice of sexual immorality is at its peak in the world today.

Young people, be warned.

Learn to tame your emotions no matter how strong, by letting the right thing to do supercede them.

There's no gain in responding to those feelings for the opposite sex whenever they emanate. There's no need to confront anybody to confess feelings that'll lead to nothing but trouble and then vaporize.

Amnon, for example, was victimized by his own undiscerned emotion. The devil ruined his life with the help of Jonadab, his crafty friend. See why the type of the friends you keep matters. One wrong counsel can destroy you. Amnon was killed by the brother of Tamar; Absalom. That's the consequences of unguided emotion.

So please, whenever these emotions rises, ignore them. If it's hard, you can think of the person's weaknesses more than that nice feature that attracted you in the first place. It helps.

Responding to futile and vain feelings cannot help you. 

Put on genuine love for everyone. The true and pure love as written in 1 Corinthians 13.

Whether it be love for a spouse, a spouse to be, a spec, a family, a friend, or any other person, let it be the love Christ models; the unconditional love. It's not after beauty/figure/handsomeness, it's not after money, influence, or any other resource of the earth just as the typology of Christ's love. It is after the person. 

Christ loves us for no reason. We should too.

Learn this so you won't be victimized by your own feelings like Amnon.

Hope this article blessed you.

We bring lots of love to you. Ensure you show love to someone this season.

God bless you.