MY DEADLY FRIEND

I had this friend I never knew was a foe till I understood its deadly traits.

 

The worst part??

I feed it myself unknowingly.

Imagine feeding what kills you slowly. No, it's not an external being or thing but comes from within. 

And no, it's not personal to me but a generic problem amongst millions of people out there.

Comparison!

Yes, comparison!

It shows itself through three different forms : Emotions, communication and Identity. You would agree with me that these forms can also be components that constitute friendship. This is to elaborate how comparison poses as a friend while stating its significant harm.

THE EMOTIONS INVOLVED 

Some people think of comparison as a tool for growth. I mean, if other people's success and progress can keep you awake and thinking all the time, then you would want to do better. That's what you think, right? 

Comparison would surely give you a lot of motivational lines like:

"If my friend can do this, i can do it better" 

But that's just the subtility of comparison. You think you're motivating yourself but you're just feeding a competitive spirit and turning that friend (or that object of comparison) to a rival in your heart. Sadly, you're being competitive with the wrong person. (The only one you should compete with is your past self — who you were yesterday).

The other side of the coin you might not have realized is your emotions get invested during the comparison process. Jealousy and envy creeps in. Pride raises its ugly head.

Have ever questioned why people get betrayed, back stabbed, ditched or double crossed by their friends or someone they trust?

This is the reason. It started with comparison and grew hideous.

For some reason, you think you should do better than the other person. You feel threatened by another's progress, success or achievement. You feel you deserve to be seen more than they are.

And then you conspire evil. Or even smile in their faces but wish them bad in your heart. That's a very corrupt heart!

A heart of love doesn't oxygenate competition and comparison. It genuinely embrace and celebrate others at their highest moments. It wants others to shine. It believes that the sky is large enough to accommodate all stars.

Therefore, the next time you find yourself thinking about another person's progress, discern if you're feeding a deadly friend.

Tip: Celebrate other people, no matter how big or small their wins are. If you notice any ounce of jealousy or envy springing up, celebrate them openly and to their faces. Genuinely praise their efforts and thank God for them. It helps, trust me.

COMMUNICATION TOOL

Every friendship thrives in communication. And communication feeds your mind, thoughts and even feelings. Social media happen to be one of the greatest communication tool of comparison which can influence your mind, thoughts and feelings too.

It keeps you constantly connected to comparison and keeps these negative emotions — self doubt, insecurities, jealousy, envy, competitive heart (pride) — alive.

These media world makes you believe the grass is greener on the other side. It makes you feel that you're left behind. It makes life look unfair to you. But little do you understand that nobody is willing to put out the bad sides of their lives.

Everyone wants attention from the general public, hence they script their lives to be perfect. To achieve that, they don't mind making wrong decisions and taking wrong turns in life to impress and oppress their audience (others). They take pictures, post on their status, reels, stories and walls just for you to question yourself.

Undoubtedly, there a real people on the blue, red, yellow and green social apps but I have noticed that the real ones rarely post their lives on social media. They do not need other people to affirm or validate who they are, their sucesses and achievements.

Those with little results are the ones making noise. It's really not worth your mental well being. Is it?

Secondly, if you can focus more on yourself — your goals, dreams and life assignments — with great intention, you would achieve a whole lot more with your life than peeking the window of other people's business.

Minding your business with focus is one of the best things you can do for yourself. The world is already too noisy. If you pay attention to it, you'll loose who you are. 

God made you an original not duplicate. Trends exist to create duplicates, creative innovations exist to create original stars. And it is the originals that are much more celebrated. Just take time to study history makers and record breakers and you'll understand that. Stop wishing to be some else or have someone's life. Create yours!

Tip: Find purpose which is ultimately found in Jesus Christ and focus on that. This helps me overcome comparison. I know that my destiny is too bright to wish I have that of another. So, I watch people do great things — whether it's a show or reality — and celebrate them because of the knowing that I too would make it. With this, you can never feel "oppressed" or insecure.

IDENTITY 

Do you know the serious problem of identity crisis?

You suffer from insecurity which stems from following trends and pressure from friends because you want to belong somewhere. 

You say 'yes' to every decision others impose on you. It's worst when those defining that for you are the wrong kind. You move because they say move. Your life and destiny is simply at the mercy of those that can't even put theirs together.

There's no joy. When you look at the mirror in reflection, you can no longer recognize what you are. You're becoming to look like them. Know this: no matter how good you think they are, it's awful to become someone else.

There are times close people would innocently want to change you. They may mean no harm but indirectly cause you harm. That link has to break. And you are the one with that responsibility.

You can never be happy or fulfilled changing to please and accomodate others or feel significant. Jesus is the only One that can fill up that void.  

TIP: If you're in any of these position, realign yourself, ask God to help you. Find who you truly are by running to God. Get a vision/dream and work towards it without distractions.

I hope this helps you.

Look forward to more.

God bless you.